Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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