Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
