I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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