so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
