So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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