I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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