definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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