I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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