He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
