All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
