we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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