Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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