Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Someone stole a lamp last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
