I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
