i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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