You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
