Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
