fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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