Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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