Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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