I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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