If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
