remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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