I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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