I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
