is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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