Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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