I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
