Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
