I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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