There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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