like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
