Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize