Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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