She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
