I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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