Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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