if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
