god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
