no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
