Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
