a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
