You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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