I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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