yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
