Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
