Fine. I'll sleep in my office
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
