Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
