I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
