is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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