i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
