Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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