I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she told me i tasted like america
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
