I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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