So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
