so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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