im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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