please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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