I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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