I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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