i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
