Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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