Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
