I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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