you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
