I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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