i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
