so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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